Fortified with Optimism

I love those commercials for the "nutrition bars" called SoyJoy, which claim that the treats are "Fortified with Optimism!" I love the name SoyJoy, too -- though I have not yet tasted the actual product. Their marketing team clearly rocks, though.

I need a little optimism fortification lately, as I'm really feeling very much like an obese and narcoleptic pit-bull is sitting on my metaphorical tail... And, perhaps, farting.

See, though my "loyal readers" know of this already, I was recently a shu-in for a really great job. It was entirely within my skill set, and I was even given a hearty recommendation by a wonderfully generous acquaintance - and long-time, respected employee of the company. The position was mine to blow. And guess what I did... While on vacation with E the week after a series of successful interviews, I received a concerned phone call from the HR rep who had been handling my case. "We have some... questions and concerns about your... credit history."

My heart sank and right then I knew I had lost it. See, I'm a dipshit. No surprise there, right? I have more or less always opted to "learn by doing," NOT by listening. In my 18-year-old opinion at the time, I thought that opening a line of credit at every store in the mall was a dandy idea, regardless of all the warnings you hear at that age: "blah blah responsibility blah stays-with-you-forever blah blah." Hell, I could shop all day long and still have cash left over for a pizza and a movie later. And it's not like I ignored the bills -- I paid them most of the time... eventually. In all honesty, I truly believed that in just a matter of a few years, I'd be making the "big bucks," and could easily pay it all off in the blink of an eye. After all, that's what happens after you graduate college, right? Right?! (Hint: Not with a B.A. in Psychology, it's not...)

So surprise-surprise, the credit report that returned to the company showed a relatively large number of infractions (nothing truly serious, mind you!) -- but a large enough frequency of bugs to raise their eyebrows. I was mortified, so I took a day to think about my response, all the while knowing that it was worthless. Nevertheless, I wrote a long, detailed letter to justify each of the infractions -- and pointless or not, I have to say it made me feel like I was doing something to save face... The HR rep tried to be optimistic and supportive, and replied that she thought maybe the company would make an exception for me, given my recommendations, skill & apparent character.

...No go.

Ah well... At least there's still the "stable job" in the meantime (or at least until the economy bottoms out entirely). That was just my "lucky break" kind of opportunity, which apparently collided with my time to "learn a hard lesson that you will wish you had learned years ago..." Fuck.