Better Luck Next Time

huh. 2008 seems to be shaping up as "The Year That Almost Was..."

by this i mean that there have been a number of things in recent months that could have - should have - come to fruition, and that would have made a big & important difference in lives around me.

for example: my last post. that was a mother-f-ing doozy, the loss of which is made all the more sour by this next example:

apparently, there is this big project for which the company i work for was a shu-in as a consulting firm. we've worked on this project in past years, and it makes up like, a monster chunk of our yearly revenue. well, this year we lost it. foul-play has been suggested, but what the hell does it matter?

oh, well it matters because had we WON the project this year, i may not be getting cut to half-time hours... or maybe i would be. i dunno.

ready for another nugget of golden goodness? e's boss was a shu-in for that 2nd restaurant that he bid on. the owners came to HIM to buy, and everyone was on board -- till at the last minute, bankruptcy was declared and the deal altogether died. why did that ultimately matter? because e would have been the exec chef... corporate chef, in mixed company, and his jump in $alary would have - presumably - more than made up for my loss of half a paycheck now.

there are other examples -- i know i'm forgetting some -- because i have felt the exact frustration of a good thing slipping through my fingers more times in recent months than i can remember in all my life.
i know i shouldn't complain. my life is good -- it really is, and i have so much for which to be grateful...

but fuck, am i cheezed off right now. fuck fuck.